I was at a roundtable discussion in Loyola’s fine dining institution known as Rambler Room yesterday evening and the topic of marriage came up. One of my colleagues proposed that if government were to have a say over who got married, that people sign marital contracts for 15 years at a time rather than promise to be together for the rest of their lives. This planted a seed in my head that has been growing at lightning speed ever since. I immediately thought of the way the transfer market works in European football (soccer). My first question was along the lines of the Bosman rule in Europe. For those of you who don’t know what that is and would like to know, read the next section of prose. For those of you who know what it is or simply do not care, skip it!

The Bosman rule states that if a player’s contract is within 6 months of the expiration date, he can sign with another team and go there once his contract expires.

In other words, I was curious as to whether or not someone could get engaged to someone else once their marital contract was within its last 6 months of being active, then marry the other person once the contract expired. I would be all in favor of a Bosman-type rule if marriage contracts did in fact come into existence.

Another thing that came to mind on this topic was the idea of a “transfer window” that would open and close. In the transfer window, one could buy, sell, or trade wives. However, this would only be able to happen at certain times of the year. Let’s compare it to the transfer window in European soccer. The transfer window is open from the beginning of July until the end of August and for the entire month of January.

If the marriage transfer window were to exist, I propose that it should be open from the Wednesday after Labor Day until the 2 Wednesdays before Thanksgiving then from January 2nd until midnight on February 2nd. The reason for these times is in the average American household, (at least in my opinion) values Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s as the 3 most important holidays of the year. As for the other opening of the window, I think the worst time of the year comes right after New Year’s day or on New Year’s day if you had too much salsa the night before. The period of time right after January 1st is downright depressing. Why not inject some excitement into it? The ending has to do with the most under-appreciated holiday we have- Groundhog’s Day. I think the window should close hours before this holiday is celebrated so people can celebrate it with their new spouses if in fact they have been active during the window. The embracing of a new spouse and America’s most weather-smart animal, this is too good to be true!

The next idea that came to me was loans. If someone was unhappy with their living situation with their spouse, they could go “on loan” to someone else. My most ridiculous thought of the evening on this subject was “It’s a shame polygamy is illegal. People could be loaned out to others, and the people they left still would not be alone.”

Lastly I thought about what stipulations would go into one of these contracts, and if violating any of them could constitute breach of contract thus ending the marriage. Just thinking about all the ridiculous stipulations that could go into one of these marriages made me smile and laugh hysterically.

Personally, I think marital contracts are a great idea. I think the first contract should be a five year deal because lets face it, most marriages die out within that amount of time anyway. Fifteen years? Come on, lets get real people! While I may have sounded as if I was in favor of a transfer window and buying, trading, and selling spouses, I am not. This makes things far too complicated. I feel the same way about loaning spouses, and I do not favor polygamy by any means. I do think contracts should be terminated if they are violated thus making both parties “free agents.” For those of you know me well enough, you know that I do NOT want kids. Never. Ever. I could put a stipulation in my contract saying NO KIDS. I can see it now. I’m packing up my things after finding out my wife is pregnant and she asks where I’m going. And I’d say something along the lines of “Sorry honey BREACH OF CONTRACT!”

I also favor Bosman-style engagements. If you are no longer interested in renewing your current contract and have found someone else, you should be able to arrange it so that once you are liberated from your contract with person A, can be husband or wife to person B. I know religious people might cringe at these ideas that I am presenting, but as a more secular individual I find them to be amusing.

As for who should be allowed to get married and who should not be allowed to do so, I think that any two people who are not in the same bloodline regardless of gender and sexual orientation.

In closing, I’d like to say that I would say that I am glad to be doing this again. In a couple weeks, I will be writing a novel-esque post summing up my spring semester. I actually wrote up a contract for a girl I was considering a relationship with back when I was in fifth grade. I was a young fool back then. I have grown up quite a bit, but I am still a fool. Old Fool.

http://tylertthinks.blogspot.com/

Thank you, good bye, I love you all!

-Tyler

Happy new years to all and to all a good year!

I will probably not finish the post in one sitting but as of now, I will be leaving for the United Center in about two hours. I have not seen a Blackhawks game in 3.5 weeks. This is the longest I have gone without since a span of time, since October 16th. Since the 17th of October I’ve been at the UC once every two weeks. I will be making up for lost time as I also have a ticket for Sunday’s game. I love this team so much, and seeing them play gives me so much joy. I am pumped to see (the punk that is) Sean Avery and the New York Rangers tonight. This should be a good game. I’m looking forward to it.

Over the last two weekends I went through arguably the most difficult times (academically speaking) that I had ever endured. When I was writing my research paper, I felt as if a piece of my soul went missing or went to sleep. I’ve felt like a robot these past two weeks with various objectives to complete. The last of which was accomplished not too long ago. My soul will wake up tonight. Something as excellent as a trip to the United Center has that kind of power. The best brisket sandwiches this side of Lake Michigan and the greatest game there is being played right in front of my face, what else could be better?

When I said I would be writing this in multiple sittings, I was not lying. It is now one day later. The Hawks game was delicious, but before I give my “expert” analysis of the game, I would like to talk about some other aspects of my experience last night. First of all, there have been wholesale changes at the United Center specifically in the food/drink sector. They now put french onions and coleslaw on BBQ Beef Brisket sandwiches. What’s that all about? Not only is it un-manly, but it is also disgusting. Needless to say I inadvertently made a scene when I stood at the counter taking the undesirable elements off of my sandwich.

Fast forward five minutes. I get to my standing room area, and I see rows of empty seats. I take a seat in the top row so I can take a load off and enjoy my dinner. This usher comes up to me and asks to see my ticket. I told him I had standing room, but I wanted to sit down and eat. He suggested that I take my food over to the bar area where there is seating. I told him I would not move. He backed off.

I finished eating, threw away my food box, and headed to the facilities. I came back and sat right where I was sitting before then. This guy came back and told me to get up because I had a standing room ticket, and I was no longer eating. I called him a fascist and got up. There were 20+ empty seats in the top row, right in front of the standing room section, and this putz tells me I have to stand. Something is not right about that. I came to the conclusion that this bloke’s job was absolutely pointless. He stands in the standing room area and paces around. They have security guards in yellow jackets so they don’t need him to break up fights. Furthermore, I help pay his wages (which he does not deserve), and he treats me like a second-class citizen. What happened to the days of dudes trying to get better seats than they have and conceding them when their rightful owner arrives?

Luckily for me this fool was not the only usher up there. His co-worker called me over right before the puck dropped and asked if I was alone. I said I was. He told me to take an empty seat. I obliged. This man knows how things work. I am not saying that because he gave me a seat. There was another dude with standing room who was sitting in this row as well. Then in the middle of the first period two gentlemen showed up. One claimed the seat the guy next to me was sitting in. The guy gave up the seat to its rightful owner and went to talk to the smarter of the two ushers (probably to say he was going to stand because his seat was taken by its rightful owner). The usher told him to take an empty seat further down the row. Well played by all parties involved. This usher did make people stand, but that is because they were in large groups. I go by myself or with one person because of this. It’s easier to get a top row seat when there’s fewer people in a party.

Another thing that caught my attention was my game-watching habits. Ever since Halloween, I have made an effort to improve my behavior. This includes curbing all speech that is ignorant, insulting to other spectators,  or xenophobic. While they were announcing the Rangers lineup, like many of the people at the United Center, I was yelling ‘SUCKS’ after every name. There was not a Ranger fan in sight. I gave myself a little more freedom. However, someone else WAS in sight. Someone who I have fancied for a couple years now. I saw her, stopped yelling, and my heart stopped for like 5 seconds. My goodness! I’m sounding more pathetic than the French teacher that I had during my freshman year of high school. Anyways, I was well-behaved and apart from encourage the Hawks players to clean Sean Avery’s clock, I would have earned an A in conduct had this been elementary school.

I went again on sunday. The Hawks played Tampa, but that is not important other than the fact that Chicago ran out deserved 4-0 winners. What I can say is I ran into the fascist. He actually patted me on the back and said something about me not being able to get enough of the Blackhawks. Whatever. I managed to get a seat as did two other gentlemen with standing room seats. These two men were decent enough to save my seat for me during the 1st intermission as I made my only regrettable decision of the night. I bought two jumbo hot dogs. I felt sick immediately upon digesting the second one. I did not run for the men’s room or anything; I was just in a state of mild discomfort for the remainder of my time at the United Center.I am a well behaved boy at hockey games nowadays. My mother would be proud if she saw my (lack of) antics. Luckily with the new year upon us in two weeks time, my ways at the United Center will be changing. I took the pink line to get there sunday. There’s something excellent about the pink line that I cannot explain. There is a Billy Goat Tavern between the Ashland pink line stop and the United Center. Having been to the Billy Goat (this will be explained in a latter gastronomic review), I know what I’m getting. Good food. Not like the stomach-ache-in-a-bun they serve at the UC. Albeit, there are other options besides hot dogs. They serve Polish sausages (a step up from the hot dog), nachos, pizza, brisket sandwiches, etc. But anyone who has been around long enough knows that food at sporting events costs a pretty penny. This is a safer and less expensive option. 

Forgive me for such a scatterbrained entry, but I have been nothing less than a feckless layabout for the past ten days. Apart from widdling away on my playstation 3 and running basic errands I have not done much of anything. The most exciting thing I have done is drive on the highways. I had my first taste of driving on 495 earlier this week. I went out to Westford to buy Irn Bru. I have developed a love for driving on the highways of Massachusetts. It’s fun. 

I just watched Slumdog Millionaire. It was nothing short of amazing. There were some frightening moments and its sad to think that people actually endure the hardships that were depicted in the film. I will not give away anything else for those of you who have not seen it. I recommend it highly. I was lucky enough to be able to watch it on HBO on Demand at home. It helped me (re)realize that this world is not exactly so kind. I get butterflies thinking about what things will be like for me when I’m on my own (like a rolling stone). 

On another note, Christmas was wonderful. There was seven of us for dinner and it was an all around great day. I did some experimenting with different foods that I’d been previously put off by as well as some I’d never seen before over the course of Christmas (Eve) dinner. Christmas was more simple (a lot of potatoes, a lot of meat, pie). The day after Christmas (today/yesterday), I woke up around 11, went back to bed around 2:30. That’s vacation for you! Tomorrow/Today I will be going to see Bane and Four Year Strong at the Palladium. I’m looking forward to it. I have not been to a show in over a month. This one should be good. I’ve always wanted to see Bane, but I’ve never made it out to one of their gigs. They played DeKalb 3 months ago, but that did me no good being in Chicago. They played with Thought Crusade there who happened to play the last show I went to. It’s all relative- Einstein was right. There are some other good acts coming to Massachusetts during my time here. I may take in the Cro-Mags who play monday night at the Palladium. Off With their Heads come to Cambridge January 6th. The Jetty Boys are coming to Boston on the 9th, but have not announced where they will be playing, at least not on their myspace. I doubt I’ll see Off With Their Heads or the Jettys. Commuting into Boston for an evening show is a pain. Parking plus train fare plus tolls, etc. It’s a thorn in the side for sure. It makes me miss Chicago where my U-Pass and my feet will get me wherever I want to go. Mission of Burma comes to Boston on the 15th, the night before I leave.

While we’re still on the topic of music, I found out that Polar Bear Club is playing warped tour. This is a cause for concern as it is well known that most bands who play warped tour munch box. However I think this year might have a few decent acts. Reverend Payton’s Big Damn Band and Set Your Goals are also playing it. Sum 41 and the Casualties are also going to be there. I may go depending on how much it is.

I saw Bane sunday night. It was incredible. Their set got me off beyond belief. Four Year Strong was great. Oddly enough both of these bands are from my hometown. I saw one of my best friends who I had not seen in four months once I got back from the show. It felt good to have the boys back here. I mean with good music like that and good friends, why the fuck did I ever leave Worcester? The answer is new experiences. You gotta stay on your toes. Keep things interesting. Swing blind into the unknown. Like the cavalier eternal! Besides, the more time that passes between when I see these people and bands, the sweeter it will be when I do see them.

I saw another one of my close friends who I had not seen in over four months. I very much enjoyed that. Catching up always feels good. I went skating for the first time in six years on monday. In a matter of five minutes I went from barely being able to skate to being able to skate as well as I did when I was playing hockey everyday. I went skating and burger eating with my dad and sister. It was delightful! I’m drawing a blank on what I did tuesday apart from a late night music swap- always fun!

This break has given me the opportunity to take a head vacation, which was much needed after 2 intense weeks of presentationing, paper writing, studying, and taking finals. Its taken some time to recover, and I’m finally back to normal whatever that is. Thanksgiving week was amazing. I went to Naperville to spend the day with a friend. I liked Naperville, its a cool town. I went to Cafe Ba Ba Reeba on Black Friday night and the Billy Goat Tavern the following night. The day before Thanksgiving I got my Direct TV to work, which means I was able to watch hockey! I got Lou Malnati’s and watched my Hawks give the Sharks a good hiding. Marian Hossa had 2 goals in his first game in a Hawks sweater. I was definitely a robot of sorts during my last two weeks at Loyola. A robot on overdrive. I’ve been home and relaxing. Thank God for that. 

On a more random note, I had some dreams over the semester that were of some interest to me. Here they are. My brother and one of his best friends got mohawks before my brother’s wedding. I dreamt that my mother’s house painting job was a disaster. Thankfully it wasn’t in reality. I dreamt that me and some of my friends from home shot these mutated squirrel creature things. On a more positive note, I did dream that I met Jesus backstage at New Found Glory. My last dreams of 2009 were pretty bad. I remember them well. I was in jail getting my head kicked in while showering. I also dreamt that I was living at Loyola’s downtown campus and my roommate was a fellow student who I did not particularly like. Time to let it go. And Bring in the New Year.

Resolutions for 2010

-Stay posi- no drugs, booze, or tobacco

-Stay positive- positive attitude and mindset. 

That’s about it.

Happy New Years everybody! 

END OF NOVEL

49. This Side of 25- Beach Patrol

48. Life in a Tenement Square- Flogging Molly

47. We Know the Truth- Ten Yard Fight

46. Sweet Things- Tiesto 

45. Anywhere I Lay My Head- Tom Waits

44. Nixon- Crime in Stereo

43. The Call Up- The Clash

42. It Could be You- Blur

41. Prisoner Echoes- Strike Anywhere

40. Great Song- Big D and the Kids Table

39. Sing- Blur

38. Perfect Day- Lou Reed & The Velvet Underground

37. Fair- Ben Folds Five

36. Spanish Bombs- The Clash

35. Jackass- Green Day

34. Невер Слезам- Шура/ Never Slezam- Shura

33. Rusty Brick Wall Poetry- Mapmaker

32. Brother- Murder By Death

31. Decode- Paramore

30. Kanye West Diamonds- Ratatat

29. Bad Man- Cockney Rejects

28. If He’s Here Who’s Runnin’ Hell?- Four Year Strong

 27. Fool to You- Jetty Boys

26. Us- Regina Spektor

25. Benson Hedges- Fun

24. Dirty Old Town- The Pogues 

23. Bang the Drum Slowly- Bane

22. Watch Me Sink- Have Heart

21. Olsen Olsen- Sigur Ros

20. Armed with a Mind- Have Heart

19. Sunday- H2O

18. Makeshift Patriot- Sage Francis

17. Alcohol- Gang Green

16. Here Comes Your Man- Pixies

15. Pay to Cum- Bad Brains

14. Going Home (Local Hero theme)- Mark Knopfler

13. Die Today- Off With Their Heads

12. Boxes- Polar Bear Club

11. Cabron- Red Hot Chili Peppers

10. I’ll be Fine- Jetty Boys

9. Hollow Place- Polar Bear Club

8. Pot Kettle Black- Wilco

7. Convinced I’m Wrong- Polar Bear Club

6. The Card Cheat- The Clash

5. The Good Old Days- The Libertines

4. Ante Up- Bane

3. In My Eyes- Minor Threat

2. Unconditional- H2O

1. Chasing Hamburg- Polar Bear Club

I did not feel like putting in the time to explain any of the reasons for my selections. Mind you I will gladly answer any questions about any of this year’s best fifty songs. God Bless! Happy New Year!

Worst Artist- BrokenCyde. These guys munch so much box that it is not even funny. I was introduced to them sunday night. Techno meets pointless screaming is a terrible combination. Luckily for them some people are moronic enough to enjoy it. 

Worst Video- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8F5YSA1Oz0

BrokenCyde- Freaxxx

Need I say more? I feel bad for everyone in the video except the dude in the pig suit- at least he doesn’t have to show his face!

Best Video-  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F156egcVGp0

Blur- For Tomorrow

Lovely song. Even better video. I love how it’s shot in black and white. London has an aesthetic that is well captured in black and white. Primrose Hill is really nifty. One of the first places I’ll hit on my first trip back to London.

Best Album- Chasing Hamburg. Released in September of this year, Chasing Hamburg is  top notch from start to finish. I could say a lot of things reiterating how good it is, but I will let it speak for itself. Buy it here: http://www.b9store.com

5 Best Wisconsin beers of 2009

5. Oscar’s Chocolate Oatmeal Stout

4. Miller High Life

3. Old Milwaukee

2. Pabst Blue Ribbon

1. Leinenkugel’s Fireside Nut Brown

A friend suggested that I give the great state of Wisconsin some recognition for its beers. Seeing as I don’t drink, I chose five random brews. Congratulations to the fine people at the Jacob Leinenkugel Brewing Company in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin.

I went to the Hawks last night and behaved myself. Came home and watched a movie. Wholesome fun all round. 

I went down to Lincoln Park today before heading to Fado’s to watch Ireland play France in the World Cup qualifiers. I hung out with one of my best mates and his family. Good peoples. I enjoyed everything but the result. Frogs won on a lucky deflected goal. I went to see Thought Crusade, Urban Blight, Duress, and Chronic Seizure in some dude’s basement tonight. It was excellent. I realized how insidious scenesters are. I felt uncomfortable at first and even sick. I had a good chat before the show with an acquaintance who gravitated towards one of the scene queens when showtime came around. After I came home, I watched The Football Factory. One of the messages I got was that hooliganism is petulant and childish. Those doing it should grow up. Thats the message not me talking. It made me think of my convo with my acquaintance before the show. He talked about phases and it almost made me want to circumvent it. But I don’t. I want to do what makes me happy regardless of how regrettable it will be in hindsight as long as it’s not something illegal enough to get me in trouble with the law or my academic institution. Back to the whole thing on the scene or whatever. I tried to articulate how these scenesters were insidious to my acquaintance. It was awkward. I wonder if I’ll see him again or if he’ll ever suggest another show to me. They’re an interesting bunch- scenesters. Really insidious. I can smell the insecurities of some of them from a mile away. It’s a difficult group to get in with for the newcomer such as myself. Part of me would love to be inside that little group but for reasons that I do not care to mention here. Either way I came up with the best way to phrase things. The scene needs me more than I need it and I need hardcore more than it needs me. I always found the scene as a discouraging element that kept me from a lot of shows when I was a teen. Now I realize. I don’t give a fuck. I don’t go for these people. I go for the joy of seeing good music done live. I guess it took me quite some time to figure this out. Wow. 

4. In Front of Me- Big D & The Kids Table

3. Think Again- Minor Threat

2. Staralfur- Sigur Ros. This song singlehandedly calmed me down tonight. Featured in the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. Beautiful song!

1. Chasing Hamburg- Polar Bear Club. This song has been in my head non-stop all week. It’s that good.